BLOGS

Like all other parents, I face the challenge of home schooling my 4-year-old daughter and balancing work and family obligations.

I found myself getting frustrated when my daughter throws tantrums to get her own way or get my attention. I had to take a step back to recognize how I was feeling and realize that I was getting caught in the routine of doing things instead of being in tune of my daughter’s needs and feelings.

After the Self-realization, one empowerment communication tool that I am using that I would like to share with you is the Feelings Chart that outlines all the feelings. I use this chart to teach my daughter to name her feelings instead of acting out. I take the time to acknowledge her feelings and she feels heard. I validate her feelings saying it is normal and natural for her to feel the way she is feeling, and we talk about ways to address the feelings. I empower her with choices, so she feels empowered to make her choices.

A tangible example that I would like to share with you is the talent show in my daughter’s school. My daughter was feeling shy and scared dancing in front of her class. Once I took the time to acknowledge and validate her feelings that it is totally normal and natural for her to feel that way and chatted with her how she could channel the energy in dancing with her heart and being herself. She was able to move forward and dance with her heart and bring pure joy to her performance. She did not remain stuck in the scared and shy energy.

I believe with practice my daughter will get into the habit of tuning into her feelings and making empowered choices at any given moment. The more we can instill an empowering mindset into our children, the more we empower them to grow into highly functional adults.

Please share your thoughts and experiences by emailing at monakjohnson786@gmail.com

My website link is Here.

As a Certified Spiritual Life Coach and as a parent, I grapple with the question Can I teach my 4- year old daughter to protect her emotional boundary through responsible communication?

The two types of emotional boundary violations that can occur are violations of intrusion and violations of emotional distance. Emotional Boundary violations can have a subtle impact on child’s healthy self-image when not taught how to recognize and address them in an appropriate manner. Self-image issues could result in dis-empowering beliefs I am not good enough to play with, my ideas are not good enough that could carry into teenage years and adulthood.

I have observed my daughter experience emotional distance when she wants to play with a friend and the child does not want to play due to several reasons – child may want space and prefer to do his/her own thing. I have observed my daughter experience violations of intrusion when she is playing with a friend and the friend does not like something she is proposing and is screaming at her and having a tantrum. I wonder what I can do to empower my 4-year old as she faces situations like these.

An empowering tool I am testing is Responsible Communication that I learned from my Life Coaching Training. It is based on being in tune and owning our feelings and making empowering communication choices.

For instances of emotional distance violations, First Step I teach my daughter to tune into How does she feel when her friend does not want to play with her? Once she voices that she feels sad I ask her to own her feelings and acknowledge it is normal and natural for her to feel sad. Second Step is to teach her to communicate with her friend first to understand if the friend needs space and if yes to give that space to her friend, to respect boundaries and to not take it personally. Instead she can make an empowered choice to play with another friend or do creative play on her own. I teach her the analogy of cotton vs. sandpaper words. When she wants space and does not want to play with her friend what cotton words, she can say without hurting her friend’s feelings.

For instances of emotional intrusion violations, First Step is to teach my daughter to tune into How does she feel when her friend is screaming at her and having a tantrum and does not like what she is proposing? Once she voices that she feels sad and scared, I ask her to own her feelings and acknowledge it is normal and natural to feel sad and scared. Second Step is to teach her instead of crying, she can make an empowering choice to communicate to her friend how she feels when screamed at and if it continues, she will take a time out and not play with the friend until the friend chooses to modify the behavior. I believe this strengthens the relationship as the friend knows how their behavior is impacting the friendship and vice versa. With practice, children learn to make empowering choices to either stay in the behavior or change their behavior at any given moment.

Responsible Communication is a powerful tool worth trying that we can use to train our children so that they grow up to be emotionally mature adults, protect their boundaries and form healthy relationships instead of acting in or acting out. It empowers them to respond with ability.

Would love to hear your thoughts and recommendations at monakjohnson786@gmail.com My website link is Here.

When my 4-year old daughter asked me “Are you proud of me mama”, I said yes. It struck me that a follow-up question back to her would be “Are you proud of yourself?” Did you do your best?

It is totally normal and natural for children to look to their parents to seek approval. On reflection, I now see how seeking approval defined my life. Growing up, I looked to my caretakers, teachers and my peers for approval. If they disagreed with anything I said or wanted to do, I mostly conceded and followed suit. I was told to behave a certain way. It unconsciously influenced my thinking patterns and my belief patterns. It became a part of my being. It defined my self-worth. It encouraged me to be risk averse and play it safe to be accepted. It fostered a fixed mindset where I was afraid to fail. This pattern followed me into my adulthood when I joined the corporate world and relied on the external performance management system to judge my contributions. I too unconsciously bought into judging myself and others around me. It felt harsh.

I learned the hard truth that letting external approval define who I am is not the healthy way of living. I felt a part of my light within was dimming down. I felt restricted and limited. I felt I had a lot to offer to myself and the world. I asked myself what is the worst that can happen. What if I fail? The answer came from my Spiritual Life Coaching Training that FAIL is First Attempt In Learning. That fostered a growth and a learning mindset.

I must love and accept who I am and the value I am here to offer. With this came the self-realization that when I unconditionally love and accept who I am, I offer the same freedom to all who are around me including my daughter. The next time when I find myself feeling frustrated and judging my daughter’s less than perfect behavior, I pause and ask is there something inside of me that needs more self-acceptance? How can I respond with unconditional love in the present moment?

I believe teaching our children the empowering lesson of self-love, self-expression and self-acceptance early in life creates a more compassionate world where there is more tolerance and acceptance of everyone around. It is more important than ever in the present moment to create such a world where the children learn to lead from their hearts followed by their rational brains. The secondary benefit is that it fosters growth mindset to take risks and do things that the children believe in and dream of, even when the adults and peers don’t approve of. This may lead to more breakthrough innovations.

Children mirror adult behaviors. Therefore, it is important for caretakers to demonstrate self-love and self-acceptance. The next time when my daughter will ask me “Are you proud of me mama?”, I will reply “yes of course” followed by “are you proud of yourself and did you do your best?” I hope this encourages her to keep accepting and believing in herself.

Appreciate your thoughts and feedback. My email is monakjohnson@gmail.com My website link is Here.

When my 4-year-old daughter told me “Listen to me Mom. I am a big girl now….I can take my own bath”, I felt an inner struggle rise within me. One part of me told me to hold strong and to put my foot down. I found myself telling…Wait a minute…she has been on earth for only four years. I can do a better job washing her hair, cleaning her small delicate body, removing soap and drying her down. The other part told me “Wait a minute…step back and honor her request”. Is not the ultimate goal of being a parent to raise empowered beings who stand in their power and live their own truth? Who am I to dim her ability down to make empowered choices for herself?

I felt my whole body vibrating with a wake up call. I had to wake up to the moment and honor my daughter’s desire to start taking bath on her own. Of course, it was not perfect. I saw her stepping out of the bathtub with soap on her back and in her hair. The goal is not to be perfect and who can do a better job giving or taking bath. The goal is to take the first empowered action sometimes not knowing where that would lead to. That is where the self-confidence and trust in your inner self comes in. I secretly marveled at her self-confidence. My role as her mom became clearer…how do I empower her more?

My daughter’s behavior triggered me to reflect on situations in my life where I had chosen to play a victim role, blame the situation and others, and at other times where I had the courage to step into my power not knowing what is going to happen next. The goal is not to be certain and have all the answers upfront. The goal is whether I love my self unconditionally to trust my inner guidance and take the first step. When my corporate career of 23 years took a turn, I obtained my Life Coaching Certification, stepped into my power and launched Kishnani Empowerment Center. I took the first step in faith to co-create the reality of service I wanted.

St. Augustine said, “Faith is to believe what you do not see; and the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.” When we stay present, every moment we are offered a choice to embody our own power or to remain a victim to the situation or challenge we are dealing with. The choice is ours.

I now fully understand the spiritual lesson “Your children are here to teach as much as you need to teach them.” My daughter helped me bring to light that what I needed to heal within me. Trust myself and take the first empowered step when situations get tough. It is by doing that I will learn. I now humble myself to be a teacher and a student of the universe at any given moment to receive the life lessons in grace.

“Ancora Imparo!”

“I am still learning!”

Who would know that Working From Home would provide invaluable insights?

When the pre-K teacher asked the children on a zoom call “What was the memorable part of your holidays”, my daughter shared “Jumping in muddy puddles with my dad”. I was shocked. My husband and I had spent hundred of dollars to get her Santa gifts. Of all the gifts that she played with over the holidays, she remembered jumping in muddy puddles. She provided the details to her teacher and happiness echoed in her laughter. She described how her dad and she got soaking wet and had to come home to a warm shower. She later told me “Mom, you need to trust your heart and jump in muddy puddles. You water the surrounding plants when you splash water. You will feel good.” I was amazed at her convincing articulation.

My husband and I had an AHA moment….it is not the material gifts that are important. It is the experiences that make lasting impressions. We realized as parents how we got caught up in the rat race believing that we need to keep earning so that we can buy the best for our daughter satisfying her fleeting desires not fully being present to the everyday miracles of life. All she needs is our loving presence and essence – the best nourishment for her heart.

In her sweet innocent way, she got to our awareness what the true meaning of family is and how truly taking the time to connect can make for an enriching memorable experience. It is the memories of the experiences that provide emotional support in the school of life. This experience was invaluable in her sweet eyes and it cost nothing except being present to the moment and making a spontaneous decision to jump in the muddy puddles together.

Sometimes we get lost in mundane things and lose focus on what is truly important. Consciously awakened relationships are the closest thing to heaven that you can experience on earth. Mother Teresa said, “In this life we cannot always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa’s quote defines what the core essence of being in consciously awakened relationships is all about. My husband and I made a conscious decision to focus more on providing experiences to our daughter that she takes forward in her journey of life. Our daughter imparted the wisdom that Family is the greatest gift.

Cheers to all the children and families in the world.

Ancora Imparo!

Do you feel terrified what people are going to think about you? Do you feel that you have to be perfect all the time or have a perfect idea? Do you feel shit scared sharing your idea or your story?

I recently experienced this with my daughter. My daughter had created a story out of her drawings that she shared with me. I said “Wow, you should share with your teacher and friends during snack time.” I was taken aback when she said “No, mama. No one is going to like it. They are going to laugh at me.” She was actually feeling scared. Her mind had created a fear-based story of her teacher and friends laughing at her. Her mind was transmuting the blame on others to keep her safe from any potential embarrassment and risk of judgement by others.

F.E.A.R is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear blocks what you are actually feeling. When fear blocks what you are actually feeling, the mind transmutes it to something else.

I had to show her to acknowledge, validate and own that what she was actually feeling was scared and nervous. These are normal feelings. I shared with her an example of when I was a little girl and had to recite the poetry in front of the whole class. I told her “it is totally normal for you to feel scared. Trust your heart and tell your story. It does not matter if others laugh at you. Your story is unique. The more you practice, the better you will get. It is not important you are perfect. Always love yourself and believe in yourself. I believe in you.”

She listened to me….after a while she responded, “ OK mom, I will do it.”. When snack time came, she shared her story out of the various drawings. It was totally different from what she had shared with me. It was wonderful to see that although I saw her feeling nervous, she demonstrated courage to take the first step to tell her story. This is the first step of programming the nervous system to not give into F.E.A.R – False Evidence Appearing Real. Of course, this will need continuous programming. A child’s Self-image is a direct result of the reinforcements that they receive from their parents.

I asked her later how she felt sharing her story. She said “Good…nobody laughed at me”.

Feelings are intuitive communications from your Self. Educating children on acknowledging and expressing their feelings is very important. This brings awareness to what they are actually feeling instead of falling trap to the FALSE evidence their mind is telling them. I believe behind the feelings is sometimes the deep-seated unconscious belief that I must be perfect to be accepted by others. This belief may unconsciously start very young. Are we programmed early on that I am not good enough….I have to be perfect to be accepted by others…to be always concerned what others will think about me? Sometimes cultures we grow up in contribute to the programming.

I believe teaching Self-love and Self-acceptance early on should be the crucial part of every child’s curriculum. To remind the child that they are created in the image and likeness of God, therefore they have God-like abilities. The secret of creation is simple. Your beliefs (unconscious and conscious) create your reality.

Cheers and Empowerment to all children in the world.

Here is the link to Dr Joe Dispenza’s video on programming your brain to create a new behavior and new experience.

Carpe Diem.

My daughter was doing directed art with her teacher and her Pre-K class mates on a zoom session. The teacher was guiding them to draw a car. One of the boys in the class started with a friendly remark that “my car is the fastest.” This soon escalated into a moments where all the boys unmuted themselves and said their cars were the fastest. A relaxing art session was transformed into a noisy funny session of competitiveness each saying that their car is thousand million miles faster.

When the teacher asked the girls for their opinions, one of the girls said her car was the fastest of all. My daughter raised her hand and said “There is no competition here. There is no winner and loser. All the cars win.” She was a lone voice with a different opinion that was doused by loud voices. I noticed that did not bother her. She kept smiling and doing her art.

I reflected on my moments of life where I aligned to the loudest noise in the room even when I did not agree with the opinion in the fear of standing out. We feel safe conforming to the societal norms and subconsciously align to them; without taking the time to reflect on what we truly believe in and staying true to our beliefs. Over time we slowly start losing our essence of who we truly are, and what our beliefs and gifts to ourselves and the society are. We slowly dim our inner light to align with the outside glare of worldly existence.

Do we have the courage to shine our lights and be the lighthouse we are meant to be, instead of conforming to the loud noises around us? For tools and resources, reach out to monakjohnson786@gmail.com at kishnaniempowermentcenter.com

"Ancora Imparo"! "I am still learning!"